basic space;

yeah, i haven't blogged in a while, not sure if i am in much of a writing mood.

a few things have been happening, trying to find a job, keeping myself busy, doing peoples hair for small cash, seeing friends, drinking a tad much and starting to figure myself out, i think.

i've given up and let go of that person, and let me tell you it feels awesome. i hate when your feelings hold you back from who you are and what you do. i let that happen way to much.

in the past few times i've gone out i have had so much fun just acting like a child. and not caring what people think of you. no it's not immaturity, it's having fun and i thank one person for that. she is one of the only girls i can completely relate too and trust. which makes me happy because i don't usually get on with females because they fuck me over way to much, trust can be a major issue for me.

a lot of my females friends look at me like i am a total douche for the jokes i tell and the things i say or do. males are SO much more entertaining and fun to be around. maybe that's why i can't hold down a boyfriend. ha, who knows.

i sometimes think i should have been born a boy;

changes;

as i sit here listening to my friends band i really start to think about other friendships and how they don't seem to mean as much as they used to.

which sucks, a lot.

i don't think people realise how much i value them sometimes. and they just shrug me off like i'm yesterdays newspaper.

sure, continue to tell me how great your life is, how much awesome fun you had on the weekend, how many people you fucked, how wasted you got, how conceited you are, how much money you make, how much better your life is that mine.

i really am starting to notice how people are and the choices they make.

to be honest i don't like it. some people are changing for the worst and it scares me. i realise that everyone changes, fuck we change every three seconds for fucks sake.

but, it scares me that i'm changing for the worst too and i can't see it.

there's nothing i can do.

superglued fingers;

first entry;

don't really know what to think. i see and hear you do these things and i don't know how to feel. some of the things you tell me do my head in. i can't help but feel jealousy and there is nothing i can do. i get so uncomfortable. i don't want to loose you as a friend, as one of those important people in my life. 'cause you have helped so much. it's time to let go before i start to think, feel, hurt too much. even though that is partially what is happening already. there's apart of me that thinks you really wouldn't care, which makes it more confusing.

am i in denial? or am i just scared of being alone?

bring me vodka and iced tea please.