changes;

as i sit here listening to my friends band i really start to think about other friendships and how they don't seem to mean as much as they used to.

which sucks, a lot.

i don't think people realise how much i value them sometimes. and they just shrug me off like i'm yesterdays newspaper.

sure, continue to tell me how great your life is, how much awesome fun you had on the weekend, how many people you fucked, how wasted you got, how conceited you are, how much money you make, how much better your life is that mine.

i really am starting to notice how people are and the choices they make.

to be honest i don't like it. some people are changing for the worst and it scares me. i realise that everyone changes, fuck we change every three seconds for fucks sake.

but, it scares me that i'm changing for the worst too and i can't see it.

there's nothing i can do.

superglued fingers;

first entry;

don't really know what to think. i see and hear you do these things and i don't know how to feel. some of the things you tell me do my head in. i can't help but feel jealousy and there is nothing i can do. i get so uncomfortable. i don't want to loose you as a friend, as one of those important people in my life. 'cause you have helped so much. it's time to let go before i start to think, feel, hurt too much. even though that is partially what is happening already. there's apart of me that thinks you really wouldn't care, which makes it more confusing.

am i in denial? or am i just scared of being alone?

bring me vodka and iced tea please.